simasue

07:51 pm: Why is it that everyone is obsessed with being shaved, waxed, hairless, smooth and free of bumps? Why is it scandalous that a pregnant woman has hair? Is she really supposed to be preoccupied with making sure her crotch is hairless when she has a child inside of her body, growing each day? Shouldn't she be thinking about that and the kicks and the sensations and the wonder of it all instead of thinking "Gee, I really need to get a wax"? When did we get so obsessed? What is so wrong with hair anyway? I'm 23, not 8, so hair just happens. I'm a woman. Breasts and hips are accepted as part of a woman's body, but not hair? We need hairless legs and armpits and vaginas in order to be something? Desirable? Loved? Sexy?

Why the hell don't we all read The Beauty Myth, learn a little something, gain back our sense of self from within and tell the world to fuck off? Doesn't that sound nice?

06:37 pm: I wish I had something to say.

09:58 pm: Sometimes all you really need is a good shit.

09:53 am: Friendship is crying on the phone together because she just had her heart broken.

11:10 am: Why does it always have to be a choice? Why one or the other? Why not both?

08:02 pm: I'm happy. I like being happy. I smile a lot these days. I hug more often.

02:50 am: Birthday!

03:56 pm: ( Take me there )

04:43 pm: Dear Livejournal,

I'm glad that all my friends are back because now I get to stay informed of their fantastic lives.

09:56 am: There is nothing I would love more than to say to you 'Hey, let's get a drink after work' and then sit down in a pub or bar or restaurant and talk and relax.

This is really testing my patience and the lack of it. I just hope it doesn't go on too long because I think it will end up in disappointment for us both.

08:10 pm: A year ago, I would have thought the opposite would happen. I would have thought she wouldn't come, and neither would he, or him either. But the other one would be there. And now it's totally different. The three of them are coming, but no word from him yet. I doubt he will talk to me, though I'm not sure why. But this makes me happy. I wish all five of them would be there together, but perhaps he's not grown up enough to rise above it and be there for his baby sister.

We spent nearly $250 on fireworks today. It's going to be a good party.

12:15 pm: And this is why I'm glad I don't have a boyfriend...

...and also why I wish I had one.

01:55 pm: I am heartbroken.

08:45 am: Happy birthday to me.

10:08 pm: Yeah! Yeah! Look at me! I'm running through the Savannah! YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Nothing's gonna get in my way! I have a giant neck! Yeah! I love Africa! Hell yeah! Oh yeah! Look at me run!

03:02 pm: What the fuck? Seriously.

How dificult is it to repsond to a stupid message? It sure doesn't take a lot of effort. You post on your own wall three spots above my message. Did you not see it? Of course you saw it. You're just being a snot, holding a grudge for some reason that I don't know.

I should forget, but I can't. You and I are so different in that way. You forget where you came from and who used to matter to you. You are from Marmora. You used to live in a log house, just like me. We were best friends. You used to do my hair for me. We would put on make up together when we were going somewhere nice. We used to laugh and burp and fart. I'm sure you tell your friends now that you don't even fart anymore. How could you? You're too pretty and good for that, right?

I am putting words in your mouth and I don't care. You don't put your own words in, so someone has to do it. It's too bad you won't hear what I'm saying, what I think, how I feel about this. I lost you years ago. My problem is I can't move on. I can't forget. I can't stop looking back and wondering.

Just like I can't forget him, even though I know I should. He doesn't speak. He doesn't tell me anything. He considers me a friend? How can that be if we don't talk? He's not honest with me and I hate it.

Just f-ing answer me. It's not hard. I won't crumble into a ball if you tell me no. I'm stronger than that. So maybe that's the problem. You're not strong enough to say what you want, but you try to put it off as me not being strong enough to hear the answer.

Grow up. Both of you.

06:04 pm: I feel like making a list of things, but I'm not sure what exactly. Maybe I'll make a number of lists and not title them so everyone has to wonder what I'm talking about.

List One
1. Dr. Niles Crane
2. Dr. Perry Cox
3. Dr. Spencer Reid
4. Jess Mariano

List Two
1. a good book
2. a drink
3. a hug
4. warmth

List Three
1. LauraSaraAli
2. Jamie and Megan
3. Martyn
4. Ernie

List Four
1. Ernie
2. Ernie
3. Ernie
4. Ernie

09:07 pm: I like sitting in a near-freezing restaurant eating breakfast with my best friend.
I like browsing through many old books in downtown Madoc with my best friend.
I like getting a button that says "cute as a button" from my best friend.
I like hugging my best friend.
I like laughing with my best friend.
I like picking out ugly umbrellas with my best friend.
I like talking about my newspaper job with my best friend.
I like talking about boys with my best friend.
I like the happiness I see in my best friend.
I like that her happiness seeps into me and makes me ultra-content with my life.
I like best friends.
No, I love best friends.

09:13 pm: what is wrong with me?
misery loves company
loves someone to drag down with it
loves to have another life drained
and detached from vibrancy
it can't stand when someone is free
or roaming mindlessly
simply because they can
misery loves to be down in the mud
dirty and pathetic
it mourns every soul that is jubilant and carefree
it welcomes those heartaches
those tears and phobias
it feeds off of sadness and self pity
it draws you in and you seem to realize
miraculously
that you are misery
and you want company

07:54 pm: My year in review
J-I decided a while ago that I'm really not liking this journal thing anymore. It's just annoying me at the moment, but I decided I would post something anyways.
F-Why do people feel the need to criticize someone else's taste in music?
M-I heart pitas. And doing jigsaw puzzles...until they really start to piss me off and then we all start swearing. And how annoying is it to finally finish and realize that you're missing one stupid piece!
p.s. does anyone know any single guys?
A-Would you rather see upwards of 3500 stars on a clear night, or only 50?
M-Today was the best day of my life. Jamie drove me up to Peterborough so that I could spend a couple hours with Martyn. I showed up at a really nice house on Charlotte Street and Martyn was in the living room playing his guitar.
J-I know this is horrible.
But I can't help it.
J-Here's two simple guidelines you should follow:
A-Oh Manda, how I've missed you.
S-I don't even feel like posting, but somehow it seems like an obligation.
O-Why does my uterus have to explode out of me every month? Why can't it go about it's business and let me go about mine?
N-Note to self: fuck off.
D-Even though it is raining profusely today, I don't feel down. I kind of like that the power is out and I can't watch tv or go on the internet.


I like that I can see the ups and downs of the year. I had forgotten about my May post, but reading it over again, I was in tears. That boy was amazing and I miss him. Summer was a weird time for me, October started good and ended bad. But by December, things had gotten so much better. I had gotten so much better. I'm looking forward to the rest of 2007.